I was looking through a Facebook group today and a question stood out, it was asking a question about how much they should charge a client for writing an article. The responses were varied and interesting, all from women and I felt compelled to write about ‘Understanding your self-worth.’
What is self-worth?
Self worth or self-esteem, is defined by Dictionary.com ‘as the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person’. We can judge our self-worth in different areas of our lives and these can sometimes be interwoven. Our self-worth can be determined by how we judge the way we look, behave and our value upon personal achievement and success.
It is also worth noting that we can be absolutely brilliant, (and we often are) yet we can have very low self-worth, deeply rooted from events as far back as early childhood, that have impacted our self-confidence.
This post though is focusing on money and self-worth. Literally how much do we think we are worth and why can it vary from so much from woman to woman. Not only the effect it has on the individual but collectively for all women.
Can we put a price on our self-worth?
I have found working in hospitality that women and men are viewed differently, in terms of careers paths. Not always, but the majority of the time. Kitchens are still male dominant and personally the thought of having young children and working full time as a chef, is one that I would seriously never contemplate. The long and unsociable hours is not conducive to a happy family home. Even with older children which was my own personal experience, it meant a choice between my career path and my family.
When I worked part-time in a restaurant I was shocked by how some people viewed my choice. As women our job can be viewed as a ‘little extra money’ a ‘hobby’,’part-time’ ‘something to get us out of the house’. For me the choice to cook professionally was a serious decision, as important as when I studied to be a broker when I was young. It is the foundation of a new career in food and one that has led me to success.
This was no way a hobby it was an intention to learn how to do something to the best of my ability. To be part of a team and hold my own, to be proud of all that I could achieve, in an area that I had always been passionate about.
Once we begin to look for validation, or approval, no matter how hard we work, no matter the success that this may bring, unless we receive our ‘well done you’ or pat on the back we will feel as if something is missing.
Instead, we have to let go. Below is a fantastic quote from the inspirational life coach Brendon Burchard
‘Once you stop needing and seeking validation for all the work you’ve put in, the work itself becomes artful, meaningful and fulfilling’
I absolutely love this quote, it came to me when I was at my most self-doubtful and wondering what was the point to it all. As a chef I want to sell all the tickets for all my events, well of course I do, right? Yet it was taking over from my love for cooking. It could eat away at my self-confidence despite the fact I’ve only ever received great reviews and we nearly always have sell-out events! I was waiting for the pat on the back. Once I acknowledge that I cook because it is what I love to do, it removed so much angst and self-doubt for me and allowed me to concentrate on what |I love to do.
Focus on what you love to do!
I have detached myself from the marketing side of my business, I set myself an advertising schedule for social media and I let it happen. What I work on is my cooking, the menu creation, developing the dishes, the things that I love to do and in essence what I am paid to do. I know the number of hours I work and the cost of the great ingredients I use. I know I can cook and I deserve to be paid a fair wage for it.
Nowadays if I work and I know I haven’t charged enough it leaves a bad feeling. I know I’ve sold my self cheaply and that is negative on my self-esteem. I have come to understand that I would rather say no to a badly paid contract/event or job, because what I love to do is cook. I love my craft and before I embark on cooking anything no matter how simple, I always get a feeling that I am about to create, even if it is making a sandwich, right in that moment I am giving the sandwich all the love that it deserves, in return in gives me a great feeling.
These are the attributes that will increase our self-worth, this is how women should be feeling. Remember if we don’t have a true value upon ourselves it can be so damaging and lead some women to feel apologetic for charging what is actually their true value. I know it is easy to say especially when we have bills building up, but if you have a client and they are truly limited to what they can pay you, consider negotiating other benefits in to the agreement.
Be bold ask for a percentage of future takings, a free advertising campaign, collaboration for another event where a new price is agreed. Make it worth your while.
It is infuriating and damaging if we don’t value ourselves or the services we provide; we are not only lowering our value but our competitors and peers too.
Remember what it is YOU have to offer!
We must remember that we are educated, have skill sets, experience not just in the work place but all aspects of our life and this brings huge value to what we are offering.
What I had to realise was that I had to let go of others beliefs, opinions and ideas. What they think of me is NOT MY BUSINESS. Hold on to this, it is a valuable piece of advice, that I received from Paul O’Mahony, a social media business genius, and one that at times I’ve used almost as a mantra. When we decide to do something, give it time and consideration and once you are certain, do not let others sway you.
You may be surprised at how much people don’t actually want you to tip the equilibrium. If your world changes, the chances are so might theirs. Generally people, especially our family and friends, want the best for us, but in my experience only if it doesn’t inconvenience them too much. This can be a hard truth. For us to find success it is important we lift our self-worth, we really believe in our convictions. Ladies don’t get swayed. It might not always be easy, you might fail, but always listen to your inner voice. Remember your dreams and passions.
If you would like to understand more of what it is that makes you happy, please sign up for our completely free, two week online course. It is a simple download which I can email over to you and you can spend a couple of weeks, learning how you spend your time, and learning ways to claw some back, that is just for you!
Our course has been available for a while now and we’ve had some great comments ‘I found the course really useful and helpful and I would highly recommend to anyone else.’ and ‘It was great to realise that it was okay to find time just for me.’
Interested, simply leave your name and email in the comment box and we’ll send it straight over!
If this post has resonated with you we would love to hear your comments. What is the one thing in business, that has made your self-worth soar?